I lost the greatest love I’ve known in early December. Winter was challenging this year. We all felt it. All of our experiences were different. I’m sharing mine with you today.
My recent ex is an American with 2 girls still living in the States, and the border being closed abruptly ended his regular travel back and forth. Not seeing his kids for 10 months was unbearable, and partnered with other pandemic stressors it weighed heavily on our relationship, so we made the decision he needed to go back.
It was shaping up to be a difficult holiday season (as it was for most) with no family gatherings and add in my recent loss. In particular, Christmas Day was feeling pretty different (aka super sad) and as I sent my kids off to their Dad’s for a couple days – I kept thinking, ‘you’ll be fine, it’s just a couple days’. Well, 2 days turned into 17 days without my kids. Their new step mom tested positive for Covid on Boxing Day, and we all quarantined for the rest of the holidays.
Emotional stress from earlier in the month eventually showed up physically in my body, and I was flat out. The Universe wanted me to be alone, really alone – and quiet. So I listened. 105 day lockdown and half the time all alone (kids are 50% with their Dad), brought a new found understanding and empathy for those moving through the last year totally alone. I again turned inward and worked on being quiet.
Then, almost a month ago I slipped on black ice walking at the beach and broke my right wrist! So I have some new left hand skills, and I just keep thinking (and feeling) that this is waking up parts of my brain that have perhaps been quiet (and I tell my kids it’s making me smarter, lol).
There have been lessons in slowing down and trusting. You might think it would be winter worth forgetting, all the heartache and pain, yet the growth I’ve experienced the last 3 months has made it one to cherish. ♥ Ok, why? I approached it differently. Every time something new showed up, I chose to appreciate it as happening for me and not to me, and looked for the lesson.
In January I decided to dig into the healing process and invest in me – I booked a plant medicine journey, started acupuncture treatments, colonics, made changes to my nutrition, focused on my mindset through hypnotherapy, and my Divine connection through meditation. I find stillness daily through yoga and mindfulness, but not always in a meditative state.
I have struggled for years to develop a daily meditation practice, and at times I felt like a fraud. Sure, I can guide meditation, teach others how to do it, but my own practice has been such a struggle. Now because of this intense winter, I finally, finally have a consistent daily meditation ritual, and I’m not sweating how long I sit for (I set a timer for 10 min right now), I’m happy it’s happening. Why am I sharing this with you? Well to start, I’d like offer that perhaps you can recognize how you have grown through these challenging times, even if it’s something really small that’s shifted for you. Or to understand that there’s opportunity to move through difficult times differently. And ask for help if needed. Sometimes it takes a village.
Know that if you need support with mindset or behaviours, I am now incorporating Hypnotherapy into my coaching sessions (along with other modalities), and it would be my honour to have a consult and chat with you. If you’d like assistance to calm and quiet the mental chatter, I can offer options.
So this year, I am welcoming Spring with open arms (even wider than in years past!), and am carrying all of those lessons forward into the newness of this season.
With so much love and deep gratitude,
xo
